Deep Purple
by Lady Dudley
Summary: Eric begins to realise the consequences of his actions.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do apologise, you must be getting sick of me! A couple of people suggested writing something a little bit darker in terms of Eric/Pam at the end of Season 4 and XChaosLoverx mentioned something about the decomposing thing being a bit of a plot hole. What can I say? I was inspired.  
>If you're after something darker on both those points - this is for you! Hope you enjoy!<strong>

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_**Deep Purple**_

Eric returned from his three week long business trip feeling refreshed and almost completely at peace with the world.

He smiled at Sookie as he brought in the last of her bags, "I think I'll head over to Fangtasia to check on things and to see Pam, I'll be back later," he promised with a wink.

Eric strolled out the front door, before breaking into vampire speed.

He would never admit it but he was worried about Pam, in all the time he had been gone she'd only tried to contact him once. He knew that she must be angry with him for taking Sookie and leaving her behind, not to mention everything else that had happened, but he had hoped she would make more than one attempt.

It could only be an attempt because he had still been angry with her and had blocked their bond. As her Maker whenever she blocked their bond he could overcome it easily, should he chose to do so, but if _he_ blocked their bond Pam could not break through it.

Not unless he allowed her too, which he hadn't the one time she had tried to reach him. Now, however, he had let go of most of his anger against his child: he would still have to punish her for her disobedience but he wasn't going to shut her out any longer.

That being the case he opened himself up to her, waiting for the familiar flood of her presence and emotions into his mind.

He was met with silence.

She wasn't blocking him but there still was nothing.

He couldn't feel her at all.

Eric quickened his pace, something was very wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

Pam had not been at Fangtasia when he had stopped by there and his sense of foreboding had only increased the closer he got to her house. It reached an all new high once he opened the door.

"It smells like death in here," he murmured, unconsciously echoing his earlier statement as he looked around.

At the sound of his voice he felt a faint stirring at the back of his mind and he relaxed a little when he realised he hadn't felt her because she had still be sleeping. Although it was far too late for her to not be awake.

And there was still that smell to account for.

Shaking off those unpleasant thoughts he made his way down to where she slept, mentally preparing himself for the lecture he would give her about her laziness in his absence.

He stopped short when he came to the bottom of the stairs leading down to the basement.

Pam wasn't in her coffin, like he had supposed, instead she was lying on a bed…in pieces.

He blinked and realised that she wasn't in pieces, but rather the curse had returned with a vengeance and she was decomposing once more.

"I thought Dr. Ludwig gave you something for this," he said, stepping into the room, "or is this the sight I have to wake up to every morning for the rest of eternity?"

She didn't respond to his teasing and Eric suddenly became aware of the weakness that was emanating from her.

He was at her side in one fluid movement, "Pam?" he questioned, sitting on the edge of the bed.

The curse had ravaged her face, leaving her even more disfigured than when he had seen her in Bill's prison cell. He gave a mental grimace when he noted that one of her eyes was missing.

"…E…ric?" she asked, her voice sounding unusually hoarse, opening her one eye to look up at him.

"Shh," he soothed, "it's all right, I'll fix this," he promised, biting his wrist and offering it to her.

What was left of her nose wrinkled at the smell and she suddenly lurched to the side of the bed, vomiting up blood.

"Pam?" he asked again, beginning to feel frightened.

"…didn't…think…see…you…again…" she rasped, settling back against the pillows with difficulty.

"What has happened to you?" he demanded.

"…dying…" she murmured, letting her eye slip shut.

"NO!" he roared, overturning her bedside table in his fury as he got to his feet.

Pam winced, "…I…sorry…" she whispered, black tears running down her face.

Eric recoiled a little at the sight of them, horrified by what it might mean. "It's not your fault," he assured her, taking out his phone, "I'll deal with this."


	3. Chapter 3

"The medication stopped working a couple of weeks ago, there's nothing I can do," Dr. Ludwig explained over the phone for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

Eric was certain that no matter how many times she repeated it, he was never going to be satisfied with her answer.

"Why wasn't I told?" he demanded, gripping the phone a little tighter.

"I believe she tried to reach you, but you were unavailable."

Eric cursed loudly as he remembered ignoring her attempt.

"What about my blood? Why won't that heal her?"

"Oh, it might have in the early stages, but she's too far gone for that now," she paused, "perhaps if you hadn't disappeared with your fairy princess…"

"Am I paying for this abuse?" Eric demanded, cutting her off.

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Northman, but there is nothing I can do for your child," she repeated firmly, ignoring his comment and hanging up the phone.

Eric threw his phone against the wall, before taking a deep, unnecessary breath and turning to look at Pam.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked her, his tone so gentle it was almost hard to believe he was capable of the one he'd used when speaking to Dr. Ludwig.

"…you…new priorities…" she opened her eye to give him her best glare, "…I…don't…beg."

Eric closed his eyes briefly, realising for the first time just how much choosing Sookie was going to cost him.

"How could you think that this wouldn't matter to me?" he asked, resuming his position on the edge of her bed.

"…you…left…"

Whatever response Eric was going to make was cut off as Pam's eye slid closed and she once more slipped into oblivion.


	4. Chapter 4

Several hours later the silence in Pam's basement was broken by the sound of a phone ringing.

Eric reached over and answered it, more out of habit than anything else.

"Yes?"

"Er…hello," Ginger replied nervously, "is Pam ok?" she asked, a touch of anxiety colouring her tone.

Eric glanced at Pam, "She is resting," he replied curtly, "I'm glad someone cares about her," he added sarcastically.

"She threatened to either glamour or kill me if I did not leave her," Ginger replied, sounding a touch indignant.

"So you took the coward's way out, how commendable," Eric replied smoothly.

"No!" Ginger protested with more vehemence than he would have thought she possessed, "I left because if she did either of those things then no one would _know._"

There was a pause.

"No one deserves to die alone," she added, so softly Eric almost missed it.

Eric fought back the surge of guilt that her comment brought him, "Is there a reason for your call?" he demanded.

"Oh, Sookie rang, she said she couldn't get a hold of you and she was beginning to worry," she replied, sounding a little more like the Ginger he was accustomed to.

Eric cursed inwardly, he had forgotten about Sookie.

"Tell her…I don't when I'll be back," he ordered. He pinched the bridge of his nose, "I can not leave Pam," he admitted.

"Should I tell her about Pam?" Ginger asked tentatively.

Eric sighed, "You may as well," he paused as a thought struck him, "does Bill know about all this?"

"Yes."

Eric's shoulders slumped, "Was I the only one who didn't know?" he murmured.

"We couldn't reach you," Ginger said simply, causing Eric to start as he hadn't realised that he'd spoken out loud.

Both were silent for a long time.

"Is she really going to die?" Ginger asked in a small voice.

Eric closed his eyes, "I don't know."

...

**A/N: I apologise if anyone finds this OCC, but I like Ginger and I really got the sense this season that cares for her vampire employers :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Eric had lost track of how long he had been keeping vigil at Pam's bedside, but judging by the bleeds he must have been up for most of the day.

His head snapped up as he heard someone enter the house, he crouched protectively near Pam. He bared his fangs and let out a low warning growl as he heard someone begin to make their way down the stairs.

Whoever it was paused briefly before continuing on their way, just as they were about to reach the bottom, Eric attacked. The intruder was pinned against the wall by their throat before they realised what was happening.

"…Sookie?" Eric asked in surprise, recognition slowly breaking through his instinctual need to protect the ailing Pam. He stepped back, releasing her.

"It's nice to see you too," she quipped, rubbing her neck gingerly.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, not entirely sure whether he wanted to see her or not.

"Ginger told me what was wrong with Pam," she tried to look passed him to where Pam lay on the bed, but he blocked her view, "is she ok?"

"No."

"I'm sorry," she said sympathetically, a little surprised by his blunt tone, "is there anything I can do?"

"I think you've done enough."

"Excuse me?"

"This would never have happened if I hadn't left with you," Eric retorted, knowing he was being unfair but desperately needing to shift the blame.

"Oh, so this is all _my_ fault is it?" she demanded.

"Yes!...no…" Eric made an exasperated gesture, turning away from her to regard the woman on the bed. "I'm going to lose her," he said in a defeated tone, the fight leaving him.

Sookie didn't know what to say, she had never seen Eric look so lost. She felt her eyes fill with tears, "I'm so sorry, Eric," she murmured.

Eric nodded, "I know," he said quietly, still with his back to her, "please leave now," he added.

"Will you be all right?" she asked.

"No," he replied, moving to resume his position at Pam's side, "but I can not leave her, not now. I owe her that much at least."

Sookie nodded and turned to leave, "If you need me…"

"I know where to find you," he assured her, a shade dismissively, not taking his eyes of Pam.

Sookie bit her lip to stop her tears from falling as she left the room, certain that the sight of Eric looking so broken and every inch his one thousand years would haunt her for weeks to come.


	6. Chapter 6

"Am I disturbing you?"

Eric suppressed a start at the voice before he turned around, grateful that he had wiped away all traces of his tears. "The only thing disturbing me is those flowers you're holding," he replied smoothly, frowning a little at the flowers Bill carried; pink roses were Pam's favourite.

Bill smiled sardonically, "I did not realise you were back, the flowers are for Pam," he explained.

Eric watched as Bill propped the bedside table back up and found a fresh vase for the flowers with an easy familiarity, indicating that he must have done so before.

"What are you doing here?" Eric demanded once Bill was finished.

"I'm here to see Pam, obviously," he looked over at Eric, "Dr. Ludwig informed me of her condition; in your absence I felt it only right to keep an eye on her."

"Of course you did," Eric agreed sarcastically.

Bill looked at him sharply, "I am not so heartless that I could let her suffer alone," Bill snapped, accusation clear in his eyes and tone.

Eric had the grace to look chastised, "I did not know," he said simply.

"You mean you did not _wish_ to know," Bill corrected him, "I did not think it was possible for you to abandon her so completely," he added quietly.

"I _never_ abandoned her," Eric growled.

"Could have fooled me," Bill retorted.

"Well, it would not take much skill."

They glared at each other, the tense silence only broken when Pam made a pitiful mewling sound. Both men turned towards her at the sound.

"…E…ric…?"

"I'm here," he assured her.

She opened her eye, "…Bill?" she rasped, catching sight of him hovering behind Eric.

"Him too," Eric ground out.

"…bea…utiful…" she murmured, looking over at the flowers.

"You're welcome," Bill told her.

"How are you feeling?" Eric asked, ignoring Bill.

"…so…tired…" her eye began to slip shut again and Eric felt her slipping away.

"Pam, you are stronger than this," he told her, desperation creeping into his tone.

"…so…tired…" she repeated, closing her eye and slipping back into oblivion.

Eric stared at her for a long moment, "I don't know how much longer she has," Eric admitted in an anguished tone.

"I am sorry, Eric," Bill told him awkwardly, but sincere nonetheless.

"I wish people would stop saying that," Eric muttered, angrily brushing away a stray tear, "I wish people would find a way to help her."

Behind him Bill sighed heavily, "I think she might be beyond help now," Bill told him quietly.

"This can not be happening," Eric murmured, "I forbid it."

Bill snorted softly, "I doubt even you are strong enough to win this battle."

"She's given up."

"Can you blame her?"

Eric felt his temper flare at Bill's comment, but it was gone almost as quickly as it had come when he looked back at Pam.

"No," he said so quietly Bill almost missed it, "I can't."


	7. Chapter 7

Eric watched with anxious eyes as Dr. Ludwig completed her examination of Pam…or, rather, what remained of Pam.

He was disturbed to see compassion in her eyes when she turned to look at him, "As I have told you, Mr. Northman," she began, "there is nothing more I can do for her."

"You helped her once," he pointed out.

"She had not deteriorated so badly then," she paused, "and I did not realise how malignant this curse truly was."

"What can I do?"

"Nothing," she said bluntly, "just keep her company. All that is left is to wait for the inevitable."

"How will I…?" he broke off, uncomfortable.

Her gaze filled with compassion once more, "You will know," she assured him as she finished packing her things and left.

Eric resumed his position at her side; he gazed down at her helplessly. Her condition had steadily worsened and she was now barely recognisable as a person, let alone as his Pam. She had recently lost her remaining eye and then had stopped being able to communicate before slipping into the vampire equivalent of a coma.

That had been why he'd summoned Dr. Ludwig, desperate for a solution – desperate for _anything_ that might reverse the damage and bring her back to him. He took an unnecessary deep breath in an attempt to stop his tears, there was nothing he could do for her and it was all his fault.

He took what had once been her hand in his, "Pam," he murmured, "I don't know if you can hear me," he choked out, "but I need you to fight this. I need you to come back to me…I…need you."

His tears began flowing thick and fast as he continued to get no response from her, "Please, _Hasi_, I love you."

...

_"Hasi_" is a German term of endearment (lit. trans. = "Bunny"), apparently it has quite sugary-sweet overtones, but I thought it would be appropriate.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: You wanted angst, I give you _angst_.**

Eric woke with a start, ashamed that he had dropped off during his vigil over Pam.

He checked her over, noticing that nothing seemed to have changed. He paused in his visual examination, something wasn't right: he felt…empty.

_You will know._

Eric shook his head, refusing to acknowledge the thought: the impossible could not have happened, not when he had been so careless as to fall asleep.

He had failed her in every other way; he could _not_ have failed her in this.

He closed his eyes, concentrating everything he had on their bond, but there was nothing. Even when she had stopped waking he'd known she was still _there_, had some sense of her presence.

Now he felt nothing.

Empty.

Alone.

Just like when Godric had-

His eyes snapped open as he shied away from the painful memory. He stood up and began pacing the room, running a shaky hand through his hair.

"Impossible," he murmured, "it can not…she can not have…"

He looked back at what remained of his child on the bed, suddenly finding that he did not have the strength to stand.

He made it to the side of her bed with difficulty before he collapsed on his knees, burying his face in the sheets. "You can not leave me, _Hasi_," he whispered, "you…can…not…"

The unbearable truth suddenly came crashing down on him and he raised his head to let out an anguish cry before burying his face once more in the bed beside her.

Several miles away in Bon Temps, Sookie felt the echo of Eric's cry in the residual link she shared with him. She closed her eyes in sorrow as she realised what it meant.

Pam was gone.

...

**A/N: At the moment this stands as the final chapter, unless you feel there should be a little bit more?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Some of you asked me to continue it just a little further in order to explore Eric's grief and the reaction of the other characters. I'm kind of glad you asked because this chapter in particular wouldn't leave me alone, even though I _thought_ I had finished! :P Hope you enjoy!**

"_They say the loss of a child is the deepest of despair…"_

The Magister's words came back to Eric as he all but drowned in his grief over the loss of Pam.

He wasn't sure how long he had been kneeling by the remains of his child, but the memories of their time together robbed him of the strength the move.

"_It's all right, you're safe now. You will never be alone, _nämen älskling, _I will always be here with you."_

"_I hate it when you make me smile when I'm angry with you."_

"_She's extremely lazy, but loyal."_

"_Don't fuss."  
>"I can't help it, I'm a woman first and a vampire second."<br>"That must be why you never listen."  
>"Funny."<br>"I'm a funny guy."_

"_What would you do if I asked you to suck them out?"  
>"I'd probably tell you to drop dead."<br>"Too late…shame, it worked on Sookie."  
>"I'm not Sookie Stackhouse."<br>"No, you're not."_

"_You make me so happy I never had any of you."  
>"Oh come on Pam, they're funny. They're like humans, but miniature…teacup humans."<em>

"_We've lived through so much for so long, it can't end this quickly."  
>"Everything ends, even the immortals."<em>

"_You know I love you more when you are cold and heartless."_

"_Pam, those were great pumps."_

"_I don't want you involved in this Pam, I can not do what I must if I am worried about your safety."  
>"You're scaring me."<br>"Good, perhaps that will keep you out of trouble."_

"_Selfish."  
>"Insubordinate."<em>

"_Did you just try to make a joke?"  
>"I'll have you know that several people find me quite amusing."<br>"Not quite the same thing as 'funny.'"_

"_I really do love you, you know."  
>"I love you more."<br>"I love you _most_."_

"_I'm sorry, were you afraid?"  
>"F*ck you."<em>

"_You disobeyed me."  
>"I'm not going to let you die for Sookie."<br>"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER."_

"_Eric, I'm sorry ok? Sookie's fine."  
>"Get out of my sight."<br>"But there was a protection spell, I knew it wouldn't hit her."  
>"Get out of my sight before I kill you."<em>

Eric felt fresh tears slide down his face at the memory of her face when he had banished her from his side. He was certain that if he had not been so obstinate she would not have died.

An unfamiliar rush of guilt consumed him.

"_I am _not_ going to die like this."_

Pam's words from when he had first become aware of her condition came back to haunt him, intensifying his guilt as he thought about how much he had let her down.

"…_you…left…"_

Eric buried his face deeper into the sheets beside her: when he had left her the world seemed darker somehow. When she left him…the world stopped.

His life didn't end when Godric turned him, it ended when Pam died.

...

**PS: If there's any dialogue you don't recognise from the series included in the 'memories' that's because I've either used stuff from some of my other stories or just added lines in :)**


	10. Epilogue

**A/N: I was going to add others into this chapter, but it just felt a little too messy. Hope this still works though :)**

Bill had seen many things in his time as a vampire, but few were as distressing as the sight of Eric kneeling by the bedside of what remained of his dead child.

Sookie had told him that she was worried about how Pam's death would affect Eric, but he doubted he would have believed the other vampire capable of such a display of emotion if he hadn't witnessed it with his own eyes.

"Touch her and I'll rip your throat out," Eric's hoarse voice cut through the silence, startling Bill.

"No one's going to take her from you, Eric," Bill assured him.

"Isn't it your duty as king to ensure all vampire remains are…" Eric's voice cracked slightly, "disposed of?"

"I'm not here as you king, Eric," Bill told him quietly.

"Then get the f*ck out of here and let me say good bye to my child in peace," Eric growled.

"I also did not just come here for myself: Sookie and Jessica are worried about you as well," Bill continued.

Eric turned around slowly to look at Bill for the first time since he had entered the room and the intensity of his grief made Bill take a small step back.

"Your concern is noted," Eric said in a deceptively calm voice, "but there is _nothing_ anyone can do," he snarled, "so I will ask you again: get the f*ck out, _my liege._"

Bill weighed his options: although Eric was distressed by Pam's death, it did not seem to have tipped him over the edge like losing Talbot had tipped Russell. On the other hand, Sookie would have his head if he left Eric in this state.

Eric let out a vicious snarl and began rising stiffly to his feet.

_Hang Sookie_, Bill decided: Eric had never been one for public displays of affection, he would do him the justice of allowing him to grieve in private now.

Eric waited until he was sure Bill had left before he turned back to Pam's remains.

"It is just you and I again, _Cherie_,*" he whispered, "just like it always should have been."

...

_Cherie_ is French for 'beloved/darling' - I know I have used more than just Swedish for this story, but I figure Eric would be more than just bilingual (and would have several pet names for Pam :P)


End file.
